i’m living back home. i like it. actually, i really love it. it’s an easy kinda of living. for some reason, it’s the kind i wanted to escape growing up here. there are no more 45 minutes commutes for 7 miles to a massive university with nearly 40,000 students. now it takes me 12 minutes to get to my new campus of 600 students of traditional and non-traditional ages but similar aspirations. being back home has bought it’s own self-reflection – what was i chasing when i left at 17 and what do i want from it now at 42? i have abundant blessings here. i’m able to see both my parents whenever i want, i eat good and often and people wave and say welcome home baby when we see each other after so long. in all this joy i look back and wonder if i’ve made life a bit hard for me, when it hasn’t been (all that) hard to me?
i don’t think i require much. i’ve never needed much direction. correction, yes. but i mostly know what i want and dare go after it. most times i get it. if i miss out, it wasn’t for me to begin with. i grew up with a mama and daddy wedged between a brother and sister in our country road, two-story house with land on both sides that we used for a football field and and a dusty basketball court that i practiced my dominque wilkins skills on. my parents worked hard, loved harder and provided for all our needs. they fried fish on friday’s and cooked two meats on sunday. wasn’t perfect. i never needed though. i always had. and still have. from them and the black village we called mr . and mrs., aunt, uncle and cousins three and four times removed.
sure, i’ve had my share of challenges as a black, gay man in america; in the south; in this world. but i’m here. boldly. and while life ain’t been not crystal stair and i’m still climbin’, i’ve had a solid foundation that’s been waiting for me to arrive. they deserve that in return. and i need not complicate it with fear, doubt, ungratefulness…anymore.
j. darius greene – a boy who loves