i woke up this morning. i could stop there, because that it is plenty on any day. today, like the last two months, i woke up in my hometown which is my home again. everything is both old and new. new job and old faces. new dreams and old despair. home has reminded me of much.
i woke up today, my phone didn’t. it’s dead. taken it’s last hard poke. it held much. over 9,000 pictures, hundreds of thoughts and ‘no face, no case’ text messages. i’m crushed. but i’ll wake up another day to think again. in the room i call home, i found my mom’s handwritten note. ‘let go and let god’ it read. it was perfect. i’ve done it before. that’s how i landed back here.
‘let go’, it read. face your goals forward. forget the old. it’s a reminder there’s many more glorious things to do. there’s splendor on the other side. go find out.
j. darius greene – a boy who loves
in an interview recently i heard janet jackson refer to missy elliott as ‘jack.’ she said it was because missy was a ‘jack of all trades.’ if you’re a jack (or jaquee), you know this is may be a blessing and perhaps a struggle. it might seem to be a fight for focus. but being able to do lots of things or having an interest in them, doesn’t mean you’re off track. it means you love a lot of things. not sure why, but it bothered me earlier this year when someone said “we’re looking for someone more nuanced.” synonyms to nuance are: delicate, suggestion, implication, subtlety. why did i let this bother me? i thought of missy in my reflection. the thing is, she questioned why janet called her jack but never denied who janet said she was.
most times people who are ‘jacks/jaquee’s’ are versatile. they’re flexible yet still authentic because curiosity fuels them. that’s part of their allure. they fit most places and are welcomed there. as i reflected on that moment of “we’re looking for…” it confirmed that i am many things. and pretty good at them. there’s some nuance about me but i’m not subtle nor hard to figure out. i’m authentic and quite direct. it was him who was a bit too focused; too linear. “i thought you’d say this…” was his reply to two of my answers. if you’re looking for a puppet, i ain’t him. i take direction well but trust also let’s people do things they’re way.
let people find what they’re looking for. i believe that man did. but what bothered me at first, reminded me of the blessing in “to thine own self be true.” growth teaches you to be more confident in who you are. we’re all arriving; allow it. i am.
a boy who loves – j. darius greene
big change requires bold moves. even small ones include some adjustments. but change does happens. at least it should. if we know this, why does change seem so crazy?
i told an ex (and by an i mean thee) i wanted the first edition copy of toni morrison’s song of solomon. he got it – it’s the 17th reprint with first print cover. that may be how he got me. in it, morrison writes, “you wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.” fitting words for anything you want to flee from or grow toward. admittedly, i never finished the book. or any of the other morrison gifts to the world i own for that matter – a mercy, love, god help the child, paradise, the bluest eye (that i found on the ground walking a college campus months before i published my own book). i may never finish them. i’m not a lazy reader. what i craved most from mother morrison was her mind. i wanted inside that glorious place. (more…)