to give or not give a fck

you gotta leave grown folk alone,” my uncle told me a few years. it’s still true. there’s a little ‘fuck em, let em do what they do‘ in there, too. i agree. do you! but shouldn’t there be consideration given when thinking about what to give fucks about and what not to? a level of care toward it. most likely, we don’t give a fuck about people or things because we don’t know that much about them or it. or another, maybe more valid reason is because there’s no respect. when they try to take your vote, there’s no respect. or try to force a gender on you: no respect. say #sowhat to your #metoo: no respect, zero reflection and not a drop of empathy.

awhile back someone said to me, “i don’t feel i have to change who i am for others to feel comfortable in my space.” zero fucks given. however, things need context. if you invite others in your space or yourself to theirs, considerations should be given. and if i respect you, i’m going to care about how what i do impacts you because i fuck with you. i’ll listen to understand even if we don’t agree in the end. if there’s no respect or my position hasn’t changed, there’s no ill-will, just a realization. a friend and i go back and forth because i say ‘but’ a lot – “yeah, i hear what you’re saying, but…” from my perspective ‘but’ doesn’t always negate, it can build on or offer a different, not demeaning perspective. to him it does negate and as his friend i must consider that. even when i still say it, we both understand the others thoughts on it.

it takes discernment to figure out when to give and not give a fuck. i can’t find it or it’s just not there, but somewhere woven in the bible is “don’t be dumb.” one night my friend eric stopped by, saw pairs of sneakers thrown around my bedroom floor and said “you don’t take care of your stuff.” he’s right, i don’t care about them that much. they’re just sneakers i got for the gym and i haven’t seen that place in months. but we both knew he was talking about something bigger than sneakers. and since we respect each other, i give a fuck about what he thinks.

a boy who loves – j. darius greene

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